Lately, I’ve been surrounded by people I can help. I guess I’ve become this person who’s looking for people’s obstacles and I’m trying to help them overcome every little one.
That’s just who I am.
And while I was analyzing the struggles of a friend a few days ago, I’ve discovered something about patience. Something that has also helped me better understand patience.
I’ve never been patience
I’ve always been that guy who has always tried to do things as fast as possible.
I’ve never understood why I should stop, and wait, and let things happen. Never. I was so sure that I should make things happen instead of just letting them manifest themselves.
I remember that I pushed people away because I tried to force them to do things that could have helped them overcome their obstacles. Not only it’s ridiculous, but forcing things is the worst thing one can do. I’ll talk about it in a bit.
What is patience?
Patience is the ability to let things go while you’re making them happen.
You’ll never be able to help someone if you’re forcing them to do the things you think they should do. That was me.
You’ll never be able to have a business if you’re forcing your clients to work with you and aggressively negotiate with them the terms of your collaboration. That was also me.
You’ll never be able to enjoy life if you are trying to make things happen – like dates, friendships, career, and so on. Yes – me again.
And I believe you’ve been there too – at least in one of those situations.
But there’s something that you don’t see when you’re trying to make things happen without letting them go. You can’t see how desperate you are. I couldn’t see it at myself either.
We want so badly to have the things we desire, we try to control their fate. Signing a contract, making a friend, getting a job – in any of these situations you look like a desperate person if you are trying to make them happen even if you tried 10 times before and you got 10 times a clear NO.
And that’s not even the worst thing …
The more you try to force things, the more you’ll become the person who’s forcing things out.
If at first, you looked like a desperate dude (or dudette) after you forced things for 5 to 10 times, after a while you’ll give people that feeling right after the first try.
How’s that happening?
A person who runs every day for every single day of their life is an athlete, a marathoner.
A person who paints, draws, sings, plays an instrument for every single day of their life is an artist.
A person who forces things for every single day of their life is a desperate person.
Every single thing you do matters more than you think. And it matters because it changes you into something, regardless how bad you want or don’t want to become it.
And you’ll never be able to do anything worthwhile because people will see how desperate you are even before you’ll say or do anything. And you’ll surround yourself with people who are as desperate as you are.
Is that what you truly want?
You have direction A and direction B. What do you pick?
None. You pick none. If you pick it, you lose.
Right now you are on a path, also called the course of life – your life.
And let’s make it more specific. Let’s talk about a hypothetical situation. Let’s say you have a job and, suddenly, your boss is telling you that you have to quit your job. It doesn’t matter why – it can be any reason.
But as soon as he says it, it gives you two options: you can find yourself a job or he can help you find a job.
If you pick, you lose.
I believe things are happening for a reason. And whatever the reason was, you weren’t meant to be there, in that company, doing what you’ve been doing for the last X years.
When it finally happens for you to move on, if you pick right away, you ignore anything else that’s out there.
In short, who says that getting another job is the only option? Moreover, who says that only you or your boss can provide you that job? From the moment you pick something, you are denying anything else that’s out there.
Do you have the courage to search for it or you keep living a life you’re used to?
Of course, you think you should pick something as soon as possible because…
1) If I don’t pick now, I’ll lose the opportunity
If things present to you as soon as you ask for them, that’s not opportunity. That’s just the result of being too afraid.
This is a myth and the worthwhile opportunities are only showing if you don’t pick. You’ll have diamonds in your life only if you are patient enough.
Otherwise, you’ll have the same fake diamonds as you have always had.
2) If I wait too long, I’ll procrastinate
If you think patience has anything to do with waiting, then you’ve gotten everything wrong.
Saying NO to whatever appears in your life as a result of being afraid of not losing the opportunity doesn’t have anything to do with procrastination. But saying NO and doing nothing has.
Let me repeat something that I wrote above: Patience is the ability to let things go while you’re making them happen. That last part (making things happen) doesn’t include waiting or being lazy – but includes you working your ass off!
You are a control freak!
The sooner you admit it, the faster you’ll learn to master patience.
You being desperate, not being able to wait, forcing things out, and every single thing I’ve mentioned in this article are based on some types of fears. And because you don’t want to experience that fear, you try to control every little thing that is going to happen.
You are afraid you’ll lose the client if you don’t convince it to sign the contract right now.
You are afraid you’ll lose the friend if you don’t constantly talk with them.
You are afraid your wife or husband will divorce you if you don’t tell them how much you love them every single day.
But that’s how you are pushing them away. And you’re doing it because you’re afraid. And you’re afraid because you don’t take the time of analyzing the alternatives.
You are too desperate for making things happen, you pick the first thing that comes to your mind and you force it.
Do it more – that’s how you’re going to waste every tiny bit of your life.
The super-power generated by one’s patience
Want to know what’s that super-power?
I can’t tell you. But if you are patient enough, life will show it to you.
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With love and optimism,