For a second, imagine you are in a situation where you have to stay calm but you react in anger. Or you have just to listen but you talk constantly.
Let me help you with that.
Here’s a situation:
Let’s say you and your best friend have a pact which forces both of you not to eat sweets for a whole month. You are the type of person who can always do what they set themselves to do, no matter how hard it is. But your friend is different.
Two weeks pass and you see your friend, in a supermarket, buying some chocolate. You know he or she is going to go against the pact and you decide to confront your friend right there, on the spot. You go and say ‘hi’ and before your friend can say anything, you start raising your voice and almost insult your fiend for buying chocolate.
Here’s a second situation:
Let’s say you are married and you had an amazing day at your job. You can’t wait to go home and share with your wife how amazing your day was.
When you arrive at home, you feel that something’s off and you see your wife not so happy. But you ignore that and you start talking about the day you just had. You keep rambling on and on until your wife can’t take it anymore and starts crying. And you wonder why…
As long as you stay the same, others won’t change
You may say that in both situations it’s about communication.
In the first situation, instead of raising the voice, you should have calmly said what bothers you. In the second situation, instead of talking about your day, you should have also talked about your wife’s day.
But it’s more than communication. It’s about your behavior.
As long as you have the same behavior, people in your life won’t change.
Your friends won’t suddenly keep their word, even though they may struggle with the agreements you have, if you don’t let them understand you care more about them than a stupid pact. And your wife won’t suddenly become happy about how amazing your day was, if her day was awful.
The thing is, you won’t be able to discover the other side of the coin if you behave the same, over and over again.
Can you imagine any change in the previously mentioned situations if you don’t change at all?
As long as you stay the same, the situation won’t improve
But for sure it can become worse and worse.
If your behavior is not helping you maintain your relationships, you’ll end up having no relationships.
After all, you can’t expect that those around you will accept every shitty thing you do. Yes, some of the things we do are bad and they are part of our behavior.
Raising your voice without wanting to know other’s opinions is part of bad behavior. Talking about your day while ignoring other’s pain and suffering is part of bad behavior.
Do you care about the people in your life? Then stop!
Stop thinking everything is about you and pay more attention to other’s needs.
As long as you stay the same, you’ll become harder and harder to deal with
You don’t want to be that person who is only selfish.
You don’t want to end up in a place where people only talk with you because they need something from you.
You don’t want to have that weird energy around you that tells people you can’t be trusted.
I’m sure you don’t want any of these things. But if you stay the same, those who are part of your life won’t suddenly change.
We usually make the mistake of thinking that it’s not us and that those around us should change. But it’s usually us who have to change in order to see others change.
If you want people in your life to change, this is what you can do
There are two ways: the hard one and the easy one.
The hard one is about becoming conscious about what you do that makes you selfish and then act towards that. Invest energy into your relationships and make sure others feel needed. They have feelings and their feelings need attention too. It’s a long process that will require you to shift your attention from yourself to others.
The easy one is a lot simpler. You just have to stop being a jerk.