As human beings, the emotional issues that we’re experiencing are oftentimes inside our relationships. Either at work, at home, or somewhere else, we get to feel frustrated, mad, afraid, or impatient, and these are all emotions that we’re dealing with regularly, that can also turn into emotional issues.
When’s the last time you felt afraid of saying out loud what you think?
When was the last time you felt mad about something a friend did?
The thing is, we’re all experiencing all these emotions and they’re part of our lives. Experiencing all these emotions is not the problem. Not sharing them and not becoming open about our emotions can lead to problems.
Imagine you have this friend that is always making you feel stupid and insecure every time you say a joke. It doesn’t matter if your joke is good or not – your friend has a way of making you feel stupid and insecure every time you say a joke.
If you don’t say anything to your friend about the way you feel, eventually you’ll become so insecure about telling jokes that you won’t tell any. And that insecurity that you’ll feel will be triggered even when your friend is not around you.
Share your feelings to avoid creating emotional issues
After you say something funny and your friend is acting like a jerk, making you feel insecure about your joke, stop your friend and tell them: “The way you act right now and the words that you just use made me feel insecure about how funny I am. I would appreciate it if you could stop.”
Three things can happen here:
Your friend will understand that they’re making you feel bad and they’ll stop.
Your friend won’t care about how you feel and they’ll keep making you feel insecure.
Your friend will think you’re joking and will keep making you feel insecure.
The 1st case is the best-case scenario. But that’s not the most common scenario.
The 2nd case is the worst-case scenario and it happens quite frequently. Also, the 2nd and 3rd cases have something in common: your friend keeps having the same behavior.
If you’re experiencing the 2nd or 3rd cases, then say “I mean it.” and repeat what you previously said: “The way you act right now and the words that you just use made me feel insecure about how funny I am. I would appreciate it if you could stop.”
Unresolved emotional issues appear when you don’t share your feelings
If you don’t tell your friend how you feel, then your friend will keep being a jerk and you’ll keep feeling insecure about your jokes.
And the more it happens, the higher the chances that you’ll implode.
You’ll eventually reach a point where you’ll get sick of having such a friend that you’ll stop speaking with them. But that won’t solve the way you feel.
Think of someone in your life that’s doing something to you something similar. For how long has it happened? When did it all start? How do you feel about it?
It can be your boss or a colleague saying that your work is not good enough. It can be your parents saying that you should do something with your life. It can be your spouse saying that you’re not loving them anymore.
And they don’t have to say it through their words – the way they act is telling more than their words.
But the way you feel is the same – it leads to emotional issues that become unresolved emotional issues when you’re not sharing how you’re feeling.
If you don’t share your feelings with those that are making you feel miserable, you’ll end up hating them, hating yourself, and there won’t be anything good left about that relationship.
On the other hand, when you share your feelings with those that are making you feel miserable, you’ll understand how much others care about the relationship they have with you.
More than that, you’ll learn that …
It’s not you
If you tell your friend that you feel insecure then they tell you your jokes suck, and your friend ignores the way you feel, it’s not you.
If you tell your boss that you feel unworthy when they tell you your work is not good enough, and your boss ignores the way you feel, then it’s not you.
When you share your feelings, you bring awareness and clarity to the table to make the other person understand how their actions triggered some unwanted feelings.
If they keep having the unhealthy behavior, the problem is on their side of the table.
Having unhealthy relationships vs being alone
If you tell everyone that they’re making you feel bad with their actions, then there are higher chances that you’ll end up alone.
Most people’s attitude is along the lines of “if you don’t like what I say or how I act, then you don’t have to be here”. That’s unhealthy and shows that they’re not willing to change.
If you’re lucky enough, you have people in your life who are mature enough to understand that they’re doing something to you that is making you feel bad and they’re going to adjust their behavior. But again, if you’re lucky enough.
Therefore, it’s also your responsibility to find a balance and maybe accept that there will be people to will do things that will make you feel uncomfortable in a way or another.
To do that, think of some boundaries that will help you draw the line between what’s acceptable and not.
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