Disclaimer: This article is a dialog with myself, so treat it likewise.
I’ve always been looking for opportunities.
I’ve always wanted to do more and better. And you may say there’s nothing wrong. Well, there isn’t. Or at least I think so.
But the more you do, the more you control what’s happening in your life. The more you schedule, the fewer things can come into your life. And when you reach the point where you have no empty space left in your life, how can you enjoy new experiences?
That’s what I’ve been asking myself lately and it feels wrong to have everything under control.
I know what I’m doing, I know what I’ve done, and I know what I’m about to do. So, what’s unexplored and I want to explore? I don’t know, but at the same time, I don’t open the doors of my life.
I’m too attached to my comfort zone, I can’t see it anymore
“When you’re about to speed, stop!” is what I’m saying to myself when I’m going fully-focused towards a specific direction.
We, as human beings, we think we know everything. And this mirage gives us the idea that we’re doing the right thing. So we are in a hurry of doing the right thing.
But in most cases, that right thing is right only for ourselves, because we are selfish people and we care less about others. I don’t want selfishness to be part of my lifestyle – I want humbleness.
So I stop. And analyze. And think. And ponder on what I’ve been doing and what I’m about to do. This is my meditation process. And I do it all the time because I’m afraid of letting go.
What if I just live and … enjoy life? Without stressing myself or others. Without having to pay attention to every dumb shit out there. Without making myself aware of everything.
If you’re searching for things, the things that are searching for you can’t find you
Though I’ve never wanted to be rich, I’ve always wanted to work smart and search for those clients who are paying me more than decent.
Though I’ve never wanted to be popular, I’ve always wanted to have quality friends around me who have smart ideas and are open-minded.
And I’ve searched so hard for them but I’ve kinda failed at finding them. I’m wondering why.
They say if you work hard enough, you’ll achieve your goals. But sometimes you may work ten times harder and still get nothing. That’s how life is, right?
Maybe, just maybe … you’re pushing too hard
Does it mean that you’re working too hard? Maybe.
But I think you’re also pressing the same buttons over and over again. Why? Because you’re too fucking afraid of letting go.
You’re like a lab rat that knows a pattern and he’s doing the same pattern all over again until something is triggered. Something that puts its life in danger.
And just then you’re realizing how big the comfort zone you’re in is.
Fuck that! Be more patient!
Well, being patient doesn’t mean wasting time or waiting like a madman for things to happen.
Being patient is the ability to give things the time to manifest. But do we have that time? And if we have it, are we willing the risk to give it away to some random (maybe important) things?
No – the time is mine and I’m going to use every second to do more, add more, be more. No fucking random thing is going to have my time.
What about money? Isn’t that important enough?
Well, I’m not employed so, for me, money is kind of a random thing.
Right now you have four clients and you’re doing pretty well. Tomorrow your clients’ projects are over and they don’t need you anymore, so you’re not doing pretty well anymore.
So, what about that? This random thing seems to be pretty important, suddenly.
But you keep trying to make money and you’re too focused on making more, you can’t see other sources of income. You blind idiot!
What about the things you own? What do you own?
Relationships and things. Girlfriend and laptop. Friends and a home. None of these are yours. You’ve only gotten yourself and that’s it.
By being connected to the things around you, you may think you own them. But you don’t. You’re absorbed by that connection and you think you have something that’s yours.
But you’re too afraid of letting someone or something go.
* The dialog with myself ends here
- If you’re fighting your fears, please check this TED Talk. Tim’s speech is great and comes with a valuable exercise.
- Letting go doesn’t mean waiting for some magical elf to make your dreams come true. Food will come to you but nobody will put food into your mouth – you’ll have to use your hands to take it from the table.