I believe that my change and transformation this year comes down to one powerful thing: people keep inside them (their body, mind, and soul) the negative experiences from the past, which they turn into hate and suffering. And they do this without knowing that when you are mean to others, you fuel your own suffering.
To be mean to others is a preservation mechanism. You want to protect something about yourself (most probably your ego) and, because of that, you are mean to others so they don’t have enough energy left to harm you, because now they have to deal with the harm you did to them.
In my mind, that’s how the process works.
But whatever happens, one thing is clear to me: as soon as we let go of all the ideas that are fueling inner wars, we are free from the conflict the ego desires.
- Andrew is a pig, and from now on, I’m not even going to salute him.
- Jane didn’t even think about noticing me regarding the changes at work. Stupid me for even believing that she would.
- Matthew said he’ll keep me a spot next to him, and when I got there, I had no place to stay. Clearly, he doesn’t care about me.
- He promised he’ll call me at 7 PM to talk. It’s 8:30 PM and no call yet. I’ll erase him from my contacts and won’t reply to any messages or calls.
- He told me he’ll help me, and when I called to remind him, he said he can’t anymore. What a friend…
All these (and many others) are inner wars that you carry every day. You with yourself, inside your mind. These are wars that you keep fueling because you don’t know how to let go of something that happened differently than how you wanted.
This year, I learned that the only way to stop the inner wars is to let go. Let go of whatever keeps you attached to these events and forgive everyone for whatever you think they did to you.
It doesn’t mean that, if people are rude to you, you should just move on and give them the freedom to be rude.
Not at all!
For example, if you value promises and it’s important to you that people around you keep their promises, then you should keep that in your life. And next time someone doesn’t keep their promise and keeps doing it, you kindly invite them outside your life and continue living your life without them.
That’s how simple it is.
You don’t have to be rude to them. You don’t have to blame them. You don’t have to punish them. You don’t have to do anything because no matter what you will do, it will fuel the inner war you have with yourself.
The more harm we want to cause others, the harder we become stuck in the past
Every time you think that someone should be punished, that thought is anchored in a past experience when someone did something bad to you (or at least something you didn’t want).
The more people like these you have in your life, whom you want to punish, the higher the chances you are anchored in the past. You constantly think about those whom you should punish and the bad things they did to you.
Let them all in the past. Let the bad things in the past, where their place is. Let the past in the past and come back to the present moment.
As soon as you do that, you’ll realize that here and now nothing happens. You are the only one who gives meaning to your experiences and you are in total control of how you live your life. Because the way you choose to live your life totally depends on you. And that decision happens in the present moment. Only here and now.
Be kind to everyone
This is the best test that will help you understand how stuck you are in the past.
When you set yourself to be kind to everyone (absolutely everyone), without exception, all kinds of feelings will show up.
“I can’t be kind with Anne because, when I needed her, she wasn’t there even though she promised she will.”
…
You haven’t spoken with Anne in 2 years, since she didn’t keep her promise. And even though you haven’t spoken with her since, you still keep that frustration in your mind, body, and soul. And that’s exactly what keeps you stuck in the experience from 2 years ago.
Let go of whatever others did to you, regardless of whether they intended to hurt you or not.
Let go and forgive everyone, whoever they are. Because only this way you can free yourself from your traumatic past and come back to the present moment.
With love and optimism,
David
