Self-detachment is not about ignoring what’s going on around you, but deciding what to understand so you can learn how to be a better person.
Imagine you just got some bad news. Some really bad news. Maybe your best friend just died. Or your wife lost your future baby in a car accident.
In moments like these, you’ll most probably react with anger and you’ll end up depressed. And right there, in the middle of the moment, all you know is anger. And the angrier you feel, the less you’ll be able to rationalize what is going on.
I’ve reached that point in my life where it makes sense to detach myself from everything. To make sure the emotions I feel are not too intense. And I’m doing this because I want to be able to properly understand my feelings and emotions.
For such a long time I’ve struggled with understanding my emotions and myself.
For such a long time I’ve been impulsive and acted in a manner that was at the opposite pole of decent communication.
But in the last few months, I started to experiment with self-detachment and I must say it’s been working pretty great. It has a lot to do with the way I look at what’s happening around me and the relationship between me and everything around me.
Therefore, I’d like to share with you a few things I’ve been doing and the results I’ve had in the last months.
1. I stopped chasing people and things
I used to push it really hard when it came to the things I wanted.
If I really liked someone, I kept insisting to spend more time together. If I wanted to start a project with someone, I kept insisting we start it. And it really didn’t matter if all the odds were against me – I kept doing it.
I remember one time I wanted to get one friend involved in something and the first task my friend had to do was to send me a description of him and his skills. For more than one month I insisted and he never sent that information to me, even though he wanted to be part of the project.
At the same time, I remember wanting to buy something so much that after I finally got to have it, I lost my interest almost instantly.
Chasing people or things is really bad for your mental health. While you’re doing that, a big amount of your mental energy is invested in that direction.
But now, I don’t really do it anymore. And it’s amazing.
If I want to spend time with someone, I ask them once or twice and if they are not on the same page, I move on.
Yes, it sounds so simple, but before I found it really hard. The emotions I used to feel were so strong and powerful that I wasn’t able to let go.
And, as a result, I started meeting new people and I don’t even have to put in that much effort.
2. I always take a step back, no matter what
Whenever something happens, I always remember to take a step back. And it’s so freakin hard!
Imagine you are in love with someone and they surprise you with something really beautiful. Right there, in that moment, you have to turn off your excitement and take a step back.
But, at the same time, you still have to act excited because you don’t want to make others think that you don’t appreciate their effort.
Doing this will help you understand what you are feeling and why you are feeling that way. And while it’s not that useful for positive feelings, it has amazing results for when you’re having negative feelings.
To make this even easier to understand, let’s say you want to train for a marathon. If you only train when there’s great weather, you risk not finishing the marathon or even hurting yourself during the competition if the weather is going to be really bad.
Going back, it’s important to take a step back whenever you’re feeling something so you can understand what’s happening.
This way, in the future, when you’ll experience unpleasant situations, you’ll face them properly, without anger and depressions.
3. I learn how to be a better person when I stop judging people
Life is hard on all of us. But we don’t see it like that.
We think we are special and we also think that, out of most people, our life is the hardest.
Well, if you compare how hard your life is to how hard others’ life is, you judge both yourself and others. So please, stop.
Instead, whenever you start judging other people, take a step back and realize that what you’re thinking about their situation may only be in your head. Yes, you may not like what is actually going on and it may ruin your day, project, or whatever. But, in general, others don’t wake up every day trying to ruin others’ days. It just happens.
Whenever I feel like I want to judge someone, I stop and force myself to think of other things that may be true in that situation. Even if they aren’t, it makes me realize that the first thing that came to my mind related to that person’s situation could be different and I don’t really know what’s going on.
Therefore, if I don’t know for sure and one hundred percent what’s going on, what gives me the right to make a statement about other people?
When you’ll stop judging people, you’ll finally be able to realize how much energy you have left for doing other things. It will truly be a massive relief.
4. I focus more on what I want in my life
The less time you give to others, the more time you have for yourself.
Having in mind that all the things related to self-detachment are going to give you more time and energy, you’ll end up focusing more on yourself.
Therefore, I started eating healthier and being more active. I also started learning more about financial investments, psychology, and marketing. And this Christmas I want to buy myself a piano.
5. I stopped caring about every little detail
The more you get to work with people, the more you’ll realize that people are different and every single one of us is doing things differently.
And the more you work with the same things that are actually done in unique manners, the less you’ll care about the small details in the process and you’ll care more about the end result.
That’s the situation I’m in right now.
Even more, it makes me focus on the things that are important and it helped me prioritize things in my life. In short, by not paying that much attention to every little detail I ended up having more clarity over what I want out of life.
How to be a better person with simple math: 1 + 1 = 5
To conclude, I’m going to say this: there are people who have some strong beliefs on things that don’t make any sense.
When you’ll get to that point where you agree with them just so they can stop talking, without investing any effort of any type, you’ll be able to detach yourself from all the things that are not important to you.
And then you’ll be free. Emotionally, spiritually and physically.
With love and optimism,