When it comes to life and the way you live your life, you can define life in one of the three ways: doing, having, or being.
If your mind is set on doing, your life is built around the idea of making an effort.
If your mind is set on having, your life is built around the idea of owning something.
If your mind is set on being, your life is built around the idea of living.
I’ll take them one by one and discuss what’s happening behind each of them and how one is influencing the others.
If your mind is set on doing
This is the first phase and most people are living their lives by doing things.
If your mind is set on doing and this is how you define life, then one of your beliefs may sound like this: I need to do in order to have.
Your life is a constant effort and you’re working your ass off to get the things you desire. There’s no other way.
Those people who are living their lives around the idea of making an effort are also living their lives in constant frustration and fear. Along with the effort behind doing things, comes the goals of achieving those things and the expectations behind achieving them.
As long as you make an effort towards your goal and you achieve it, you met your expectations and you are happy. If that doesn’t happen, you’re not happy, you become frustrated or even depressed.
If your mind is set on having
This is the second phase and only some people are living their lives by having things without doing anything to get them.
Compared to having your mind set on doing, when it comes to having, you don’t feel like you have to put in any effort to get the things you desire. And you usually don’t.
If your mind is set on having and this is how you define life, then one of your beliefs may sound like this: I usually get what I desire and there’s no need to stress myself about it.
It just happens so you get the things you desire and it’s great. But the more you desire and the more things you have, the more your attention is distributed. In this case, the attention you give to whatever you have is what makes you happy. If there’s nothing to grab your attention, there’s nothing to make you happy.
While it may sound great, living your life and constantly desiring things is painful. The more you desire, the more you will focus on the things you desire. Therefore, you will live your life by constantly paying attention to anything except yourself.
All the things that you’ll ever own are just another way of not seeing that you are enough. And the more you’ll desire, the harder it will be for you to shift your attention to your person.
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If your mind is set on being
This is the third and last phase and only a few people are living their lives effortlessly.
As soon as you get to have your mind set on being, you understand that living life doesn’t require any doing or having.
If your mind is set on doing and this is how you define life, then one of your beliefs may sound like this: I can be happy without doing or having anything else than I already have.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t get to have things in your life. Not at all. You’ve probably realized this until now, but life gives you the things you deserve, not the things you desire.
If you desire something and you try really hard to get it, eventually you may not get it at all and all that effort was in vain. I’m sure this happened to you before and it will happen in the future as well.
If your mind is set on being, the only thing you do is to live your life. Nothing else. And life will give you the things you deserve without you having to do or desire anything.
This last phase is also seen as a process of letting go. As soon as you let go of doing or having and you start living, you get to experience joy and happiness because you don’t have to put in any effort to get things in your life and you don’t invest any energy into desiring things anymore.
Most people move from doing to having to being
We’re all starting with our mind set on doing.
It happens because society is telling us that we need to constantly do things in order to get things. This is a really negative way of living life and this way to define life includes both doing and having – two elements encouraged by society; two elements that you need to let go of.
As soon as you’re born, you become part of a society where to do and to have seemed to be the key to living a happy life. But that’s an illusion.
Therefore, you start living your life like that. And the more you do, the more you get to have. And the more you have, the more you want. And the more you want, the more you do. Eventually, you get stuck in this loop of having, wanting, and doing without even realizing that happiness is missing.
Most people die living their lives like that. Most people don’t even dare to break the cycle and see if there’s another way of living life. Most people get stuck in a process that doesn’t include any happiness – a process where is present only the excitement of meeting your expectations and nothing more.
On the other hand, it makes sense to do and have until you get the things you need to live the lifestyle you desire. But even that is sketchy because, as previously mentioned, life gives you what you deserve, not what you desire. Therefore, you’re working to get the things that are going to help you have a desired lifestyle, not a deserved lifestyle.
While this seems closer to the positive side of life, most people don’t even see it. Most people don’t get to do, have, and then stop. Most people get stuck in the process of doing and having, and I guess it’s happening because of the need for control.
How often do you need to feel in control to make sure you have certainty?
How often do you let control go to enjoy life and live in the moment?
With love and optimism,
What did you learn?
What are some valuable things you learned about the the way you define life?
I would love to know what you think, so share your insights with me using the form below.