We, as a society, are very disconnected. And depending on where you live, you may have events to attend that encourage the social aspect of life. But even so, the idea that I’m going to share with you here is going to be viable. That’s because I’m not talking about how sociable we are as human beings.
We are all sociable. We enjoy spending time with people with whom we resonate. We like to be part of social groups where we feel warm, welcomed, and loved.
But there’s one thing we do that disconnects us from people.
Think about the last moment you went to a networking event or a party, and you met someone who, at first, seemed like someone you would like. You spend a few minutes chatting with them, trying to know them better. Then, all of a sudden, they say or do something that you don’t like.
Maybe they say that they like the color pink, they dislike those who fight for LGBT rights, or swear too much when they speak.
That’s when you say to yourself, ‘this person is such a …’ and put them in a box inside your mind.
That’s when the disconnection happens.
But that person doesn’t just like the pink color. They don’t just dislike those who fight for LGBT rights. They are not just the person who swears. They are more than that.
They may be a loving father. An activist for feeding the poor. A published writer. A great teacher. A mentor who changed the lives of hundreds of entrepreneurs. A dog lover. Someone who has traveled the world and has already seen more than 100 countries. An enthusiast about poetry. An actor who’s been working their whole life with children with disabilities. A woodcutter who’s been building their own house just from wood. A painter who donates all their profits. An architect who designed the most exquisite piece of building in the country.
Nobody is just one thing. You are not one thing.
But still… when we don’t like something about someone, we reduce that person to what we don’t like about them.
We do it because it’s easy. It feels comfortable to just move on from something we don’t like, instead of spending time with it, trying to understand why it triggers us so much.
It’s not like we are hurt by what we learn about the other person. But we create a story in our minds that keeps us safe from an imaginary future danger. And instead of addressing that story, we keep building it.
“They like pink? Oh my God… I hate that color. What else do they like? Do they also wear pink clothes? Bleah! I could never. I wonder if they are weird. For sure, someone who likes pink is, at least, weird. Maybe they dyed their hair pink in the past just to be the center of attention. Why would anyone do such a thing?”
And that’s just the beginning.
Your mind will go on and on, trying to keep you in that state. The more time you spend there, the more you’ll be disconnected from the present moment.
Who you are is more than one thing
You are many, many things.
In my case, I am a writer, coach, salsa Dancer, runner, friend, solopreneur, traveler, pilgrim, trainer, reader, painter, and so on. You get the point.
But here comes the most interesting part.
All these things that you say you are, they create the identity you have in the physical world.
If you studied spirituality at all, you probably learned that identity is just another part of us. The way I say “I am a runner,” and this is just a part of my whole identity, identity is just a part of who we are, when we look at ourselves from the point of view of our authentic self.
That’s because we are more than just our identity. We are also spirit, energy, and frequency, and these are not connected to identity whatsoever. They are connected to our journey and they come before any title we would like to associate ourselves with.
See the whole, not just the part
This reminds me, once again, of a documentary I saw many years ago.
In the Human documentary, the first part, if I remember correctly, there’s this guy interviewed. And he’s talking about how he used to get beaten by his father when he was young because that’s how his father showed love. Later, when the child became an adult and had a family, he beat both his wife and son, killing them.
Fast forward, he was in jail, and he was visited by his mother-in-law, the mother of the wife whom he killed. That’s when he realized that love was not just beating someone.
But now I want you to see the story from the perspective of the mother-in-law. She was capable of looking at the killer of her daughter and seeing him as more than what he did. Because he was more.
That’s probably a very difficult thing to do. But it’s not impossible.
Also, we are not usually in these extreme situations with those around us. But we still find small details about others that we don’t like and we put them in a box connected to that thing.
Learn to see the whole, not the part.
Nobody is one thing.
With love and optimism,
David