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Last week, I learned that you can easily change the meaning of your experiences if you can see the paradox of what you live.
In a few of the conversations from last week, I got the feeling of helplessness from the people I was chatting with. And this feeling was empowered by words such as “I’m stuck”, “I don’t know how to move forward”, “I feel like I don’t have energy for anything”, or even “I feel odd if I ask for help”.
The more people shared with me, the more I noticed how these thoughts became valuable and grew bigger and bigger roots.
But exactly this point where helplessness shows up is the point where you arrived because, at a certain moment, you wanted to change something at yourself and change the meaning of your experiences. Therefore, you started moving towards that change.
That feeling of helplessness is proof that you are capable of doing something difficult. Proof that you can change your life and advance in a totally new direction. And now, after you’ve chosen to do things in this new direction and advance towards it, you’ve reached a point where clarity is missing.
When I share this with other people, I can see their faces changing. They probably realize that the abyss they’ve fallen into is more in their minds than around them, and that they can get out of there, often without any help.
I know it is painful when clarity is missing. I know you want to go back to where you left, if you have no clue where you’re going. I know it is frustrating to pay close attention to the path you’ve chosen without being able to see anything.
But don’t let the pain and frustration blind you from seeing how cool you are. Failure becomes permanent only if you let it. Remember how you started and give those memories a chance to provide you, now in the present moment, with the energy you need so you can continue doing what you’re doing, even though you have no idea what will happen next.
Here are 7 paradoxes that can help you change the meaning of your experiences.
1. I don’t trust myself
When you say you don’t trust yourself, you make an act of self-affirmation – it means you trust yourself enough in not trusting yourself.
This disbelief is just a reflection of the deep trust that you have in yourself. When you say “I’m not sure”, you affirm your own insecurity with certainty.
This paradox helps you understand that there will always be the feeling of trust you’re looking for. You just have to allow it to become active in the areas of your life where you need it.
2. I need to be in control
The desire to seek control is a hidden belief that life will listen to you, no matter how big the chaos would be, regardless you are in the middle of it or not.
The need for control is like a silent conversation with the Universe, where we invest energy based on the belief that the Universe will listen to us. It’s a prayer to the Universe that looks like “if I do X, then I’ll get Y”.
This paradox invites you to observe how behind your need to control lies the unknown of the Universe that you’re asking for the things you need so you can feel in control. But the Universe, in its nature, is chaotic.
3. I’m afraid of failure
If you were really afraid of failure, you wouldn’t have in your mind a better version of what you’re currently living, connected to your definition of success. In fact, your fear of failure hides a deep trust in your ability to succeed.
Fear of failure is the way in which you become more focused on where you want to go – a target that you can clearly see. Fear of failure, with the anxiety connected to a future success, shows you the direction towards your strongest ideals.
This paradox helps you understand that if you wouldn’t trust in the success you want and its possibility, you would only feel indifference. Fear of failure is an indirect tribute to the idea of possibility.
4. I crave silence and peace
When you feel like the only thing that brings you peace is peace itself, then this desire paradoxically becomes a source of uneasiness. True peace appears when you stop chasing it and accept the present moment the way it is.
Many times, the silence and peace we’re looking for are seen as a distant land that we’ll have to invest a lot of resources to get to. And in this movement of getting there, we ignore how the movement itself is a way of agitating ourselves.
This paradox invites you to acknowledge that the silence and peace you’re looking for are not the result of your actions, but more of your presence. The peace you’re looking for is never absent, but you can only see it if you are present.
5. I’m trying to quit
Quitting becomes a forced process of letting go when, instead of letting go, you transform this process into a strategy that will allow you to keep that something in your life, instead of letting it go.
Any effort connected to letting go keeps your attention on the thing you want to let go of, therefore strengthening the bond you have with it. Authentic letting go happens when you understand and transform the relationship you have with your attachment.
This paradox can help you reformulate “I’m trying to quit” into “I understand why I haven’t let it go yet”, so you can allow yourself to calibrate through clarity, not through resistance or force.
6. I’m searching for myself
The one who’s searching is already you. It’s like the eye would try to see itself or like the mirror would try to see its own reflection.
At the foundation of this search, there’s a basic problem: the tool used for searching and the object sought are the same – even identical. When you’re searching for yourself, you project yourself into an imagined future or try to regain it from a past that has already been built. By doing so, you ignore its permanent presence.
This paradox invites you to understand that this search is pointless because what you’re searching for can be found here and now, in every second of your existence.
7. I’m disconnected
To be disconnected means to be able to observe the thing you feel disconnected from. This creates a relationship and a connection to the thing you say you feel disconnected from.
Resistance, on its own, is a form of contact through which we acknowledge reality and, at the same time, deny it. To be able to deny something, first you have to acknowledge its existence. It’s like saying “I accept the existence of this thing, but I refuse to accept it exists”. This contradiction consumes your energy and puts you at the opposite pole of the flow of your life.
This paradox invites you to recognize resistance as a disguised form of connection and that, in a subtle way, you’ve accepted the thing you deny.
With love and optimism,
David
