Happiness is this precious thing. We’re all looking for happiness and it’s so precious, we sometimes desperately want it.
How comes that in the process of searching for happiness, only a few find it? How comes that when you’re looking for happiness, you don’t really know where to start and it’s hard to put your finger on it? And, more importantly, how comes that when you finally are happy, most of the time is not what you expected?
The happiness you are looking for is not your happiness
Some people say they’re going to be happy when they become the best lawyer in town. Replace ‘lawyer’ with any other job and replace town with any other place. The best programmer at the company. The best writer in the world. The best medic in the family.
You may say that the problem is with ‘being the best’ because the expectation is too high. But as much as that, the happiness standard could be something like ‘finishing my studies’ which doesn’t really have anything to do with being the best.
When you set yourself this kind of goal and you connect it to your level of happiness, you’re going to fail for two reasons:
- That goal is not yours
- Happiness is not related to anything and it’s a concept created by society
I’ll take them one by one.
1. The goal you set yourself is, most of the time, not yours
You may say that you want to finish your studies and have a diploma in the medical field, but in most cases, that’s not what you really want.
You may say it is, but I assure you it’s not. It’s something your parents gradually added to your mind because they want you to be a doctor. And they want you to be a doctor because they were told that it’s great to be a doctor. They don’t really want it either, but it was gradually added to their minds (most probably) by their parents.
Everything we desire in this life is influenced by others. And when it comes to big life decisions, those life decisions are most probably influenced by your parents in ways that can’t really seem real at first.
You see, the information you have right now (what you do, the way you do it – for example, how you speak and the way you speak) it’s from your parents. And while that could have worked twenty years ago, right now it may be too old and you may not speak properly according to the current age. Again, replace the word ‘speak’ with any other action.
So you are currently using information that is a few dozen years old. Don’t worry, in some cases that information is still all right. But you’re going to start worrying when you realize that your parents learned the same things from their parents (your grandparents). Even worse, when your grandparents learned it from their parents and you now have that information, that can be older than one hundred years.
To conclude this first point, things are fucked up and most goals we set ourselves have nothing to do with what we want because the information we have is not ours and it’s not even helping us – because it’s too old.
If you want to do something about it, start questioning everything and relearn everything. It will be hard, so hard you’ll want to quit as soon as possible. But it’s worth it!
2. Happiness is not related to anything – it doesn’t exist
How do you expect to be happy if happiness is not something real?
Looking for happiness is just something you learned from your parents, friends, teachers and basically the entire society and you’ve been told that it’s this place where everything it’s beautiful.
Fuck that – it doesn’t exist.
Happiness is just a feeling and when you’ll reach it, you’ll have it for only a few seconds or minutes. That’s available for any feeling out there.
And because we’re trying so hard to find this feeling, we’re always wasting energy and end up in a place where frustration is more present than happiness. If that’s the case, why are we even going through such a struggle just to chase a feeling?
Because we’ve been taught that we need that feeling desperately. And without that feeling, our life doesn’t have a purpose.
“You’ll never be happy!”
Probably, this sentence is frightening you. The more fear this sentence is generating in your mind, the more powerful the belief that you need to be happy is. But it’s just an illusion – happiness doesn’t exist.
Yes, we all feel something but you shouldn’t put a tag on your feelings. As soon as you gave a name to what you feel, you don’t feel that feeling anymore. Your thoughts related to what you’re feeling will create another feeling and what you felt at first will be gone.
After all, you don’t think feelings – you feel feelings.
So, do you see it? You’re probably happy most of the time, but you don’t let yourself feel happy because you start thinking about happiness in the terms of the society and replace what you are feeling with what society told you that you should feel.
Don’t look for something that’s not real
Happiness should not be part of your life.
Instead, you should try and build yourself a lifestyle where you feel satisfied with the lifestyle you’re building. I hope that makes sense to you.
Remember that life is hard for everyone but it’s up to you to decide if you move forward or keep struggling with the obstacles from your past. Stay strong and keep your optimism high.
With love and optimism,