You know those unpleasant moments, in which you suffer and are at the opposite pole of your expectations? I now look at them as phases (or cycles). And when I do that, it helps me relax because I attach an endpoint to the unpleasant moment.
Instead, if I keep it in my life as a ”moment”, this makes it pervasive because it doesn’t give me any clarity regarding when the moment will end.
We all experience these kinds of phases.
- Phases when we are mad and it lasts for two hours or two days;
- Phases when we are depressed and it lasts for two days or two weeks;
- Phases when we try to find some work without too many results and it lasts for six months or one year;
- Phases when we try to build a business, where we feel frustrated because the business doesn’t work yet and we can’t support ourselves from our business, and it lasts for two years.
What I learned is that things don’t last forever
Even though the theory and information were clear, when I changed the perspective from moment to phase, I was able to emotionally connect to what it meant to live the experience and enjoy it – even when the experience wasn’t enjoyable.
When I know it will eventually end, it makes me appreciate the experience as it is, whether it is good or bad.
If I were to look at my life through this concept of “phase”, I can say that at this moment I’m in a phase that is uncertain, maybe even… toxic. But considering the way things happened and the growth I had, I believe it was and still is a phase in which the growth I have is out of my control. And maybe this is why I thought it was a toxic phase.
For me, the phase that I’m still in, came with a lot of pain and required a lot of patience from my side – and I didn’t want to be patient because I didn’t know how long I had to be patient.
But I believe I am close to the end of this phase. I also believe that if I had kept seeing this experience as a moment, not as a phase, this endpoint would not have come. This is exactly where the value of the perspective I discovered comes to the surface: I see the endpoint of the process I’m in and I also see where the next phase starts and what I have to do.
This helps me better prepare for what comes next and gives me clarity for my next beginning.
Every phase has a beginning and an end
When we see moments as moments, not only do we not see their endings, but we also don’t see their beginnings.
Therefore, we don’t have the chance to set an intention, to prepare ourselves, or to create a plan. We simply wake up in the middle of the moment, after it started without us being present or aware. Without us having the chance to set a foundation for that beginning. Without us knowing what values we bring there or what beliefs we want to change. Without us knowing what we want from the relationships involved. Without us knowing what resources we need to allocate and when, no matter we talk about money, time, energy or any other resource.
Because we don’t know it’s a beginning and when a new phase starts, we can’t prepare for it properly.
Therefore, this change of perspective influences many other things. At a surface, it can be seen that we attached a beginning and an end to a moment of our lives. But it’s more than that. It’s a change of energy that happens because these beginnings and ends are present on the mental map that helps you navigate the world around you. And exactly these two points, which have a lot of weight and importance and help you navigate, offer you the energy you need so you won’t fall into the trap where you see this moment as a failure.
Instead, it helps you change your perspective and see a phase that started at a certain point and will end at a different point. It helps you see the things you learned in this phase, how you grew, and who you became. After that, you can shift your attention to your next phase, with the intention you set for it.
I think that makes the difference.
My current and next phases
When I look at my current phase, which seems to be close to its end, I believe it taught me many things about:
- Relationships
- Spirituality
- Myself as a human being (with my weaknesses and strengths)
- What I really want and the things I thought I wanted at a certain point but I don’t really want anymore
When it comes to the next phase, which I believe will start at the beginning of next year, the intention is to focus more on relationships, on what it means to help those I believe I can help, rebuilding my financial independence, and finishing the things I started and that need a final touch.
I believe the next phase is one where I use the transformation I experienced in the current phase. But, more than that, it will be a phase in which I will have the opportunity to be the person I have been building in the last 5-10 years. I think this is a great opportunity and it makes me excited about the next few years.
Currently, I have no clarity on when the next phase will end. And that’s ok.
With love and optimism,
David
