We don’t know the truth. And understanding this can be the beginning of giving healthy meaning to our experiences. Through the word “because”, you engage with a process of writing a story – the story of your life. Every day, on repeat, until you become aware of it.
“My friend told me that because…”
“My mother, my husband, my son, and my ex did this because…”
“I did that because…”
These are all stories. Our stories. The stories that we keep writing on repeat, most of the time without being aware whatsoever that we are in control of the writing process. We let our mind do the work and take us wherever the ego wants to go.
Everything is made of stories
Next time you go outside, take a moment, sit on a bench, and look around you.
Look at everything and everyone and see beyond the obvious. See their story.
The young couple who’s clearly in love. They stop next to a garden and the guy rips one tulip and gifts it to his girlfriend.
The child who drives their bicycle and accidentally hits their father. And the father instantaneously turns around and angrily smacks the child over the head.
The father who walks down the street with their kid, a bit behind them, making sure they’re safe.
The old person in a wheelchair who stops on the sidewalk and looks aimlessly, like something that happened yesterday still doesn’t make sense.
The couple who walks together but seem like they’ve never been together.
These are all stories. Stories that I just told you based on what I observed. You may have seen the same things and created different stories around these experiences.
Everything is made of stories. And these stories are all we have.
Not because we are storytellers and writing stories is something we’re passionate about. But because through our stories we create and enhance our identity. Through our stories, we create our beliefs. Through our stories, we create attachment to whatever we believe we have (or don’t) in our lives.
Getting stuck writing your story creates a problem
When you keep writing stories and you do it unconsciously, you have a problem.
This process creates overthinking and rumination. You want things to be in a certain way, therefore you write them in your mind the way you would want them to be. The more you want that to happen (because you don’t accept things the way they are), the more your mind is active.
And when your mind is full of stories, you start ruminating. You keep reminding yourself how good things used to be and how bad they are now. You keep reminding yourself of a version of yourself (this goes back to identity) that was living a different (maybe better) life than the one you currently have.
When that happens and you keep comparing what you had with what you have, you can become helpless. You can feel like there’s nothing you can do to get back what you used to have.
From there, you are one step away from depression.
Understanding this process (overthinking → rumination → helplessness → depression) can make you aware of why you should stop your mind from doing it.
When your mind writes the stories, it’s your responsibility to stop the process and take charge. And the best part is that you have the freedom and ability to do that.
The superpower we all have
To be able to stop the process, you have to realize one thing: the meaning that you put on the experiences you have is totally under your control. You are the writer of your stories and you entirely. Nobody else can do that for you, unless you let it happen.
I want to remind you something you read at the beginning of this article.
We don’t know the truth.
This is important because, when you take control of your stories and you start writing them (not your mind or your ego), and you write them with the awareness that you don’t know the truth, the stories you tell yourself will be as close as possible to reality.
They will be real, honest, powerful stories.
With love and optimism,
David
